To the boys and girls of the LEO CLUB
c/o the honourable chairperson BeeBee;
The Construction View Hotel Ao Nang, Krabi
Dear friends…’debilitating’ seems to become a key word here and no, it’s got nothing to do with burning local weeds. It’s that time of year where I get, as by tradition, confined to the couch with a temperature way beyond the point where skulls turn into cauldrons…”look honey, now I’m cooking my brain.” Even so, it’s not the pneumonia that threatens to turn the very essence of my being into a pulp. It’s the goddamn television.
When I got sick it was still lurking in its oversized cardboard box. I should have left it there. Instead I used my last bit of energy to install the bitch and watch, hoping it would carry me through the upcoming onslaught…me versus death.
Now, we’ve all tried to watch a bit of porn while in a Bangkok hotel and boy do I remember being pissed off with those pixels the Thai censors cover every bit of tit and ass with. Fuck that.
I want those pixels here and quick, for this is horror and it doesn’t rock.
There’s this woman with a face so angry, it might scare the living shit out of you…literary. And if you manage to keep it inside, she’s more than willing to alleviate you. She is into intestinal cleaning you see; women who claim to be friends put oversized syringes up eachothers assholes! They want to clean their bodies and lose weight and they are adament to share that with us.
Along with that shit I’ve seen a woman making love to a zucchini; she and her husband were pretending to be North American Indians; the husband was wearing the zucchini.
There was a young guy fucking three different potential mothers-in-law as to find out who’s daughter he should best marry, a ‘sperm show’ to come to the best father for an otherwise lifeless couple’s baby and I’ve seen a guy in a bathtub filled with chilly-beans waiting for a nurse to shove them up his arse one by one.
I’m not sure, but I think it was his sister that appeared in the National I.Q. Quiz, who said she thought her score of 74 was not so bad…"out of a 100%" she said.
letters to thailand - part 1